It’s Christmastime, all is sparkling and glistening and bright. From the moment Michael Buble’s honeyed tones start (somewhere around October) we’re already imagining the candlelight, the chunky knits, the hearts and eyes full of love.

And that’s a beautiful thing.

These picture postcards of Christmases past, or maybe of Christmases that never really happened are so powerful. They fuel our mad dashes round the shops; the intense menu planning; the hope – dream – wish that everything will be just perfect. That we can buy and shop and plan our way to that soft-focussed happiness. Every year I am caught up in the whirl.

At Christmas particularly I am reminded of some of the best advice I was ever given: Throw away your picture. We all create expectations of how we’d like things to be, especially once decisions have been made, plans have been set. These pictures can be valuable in helping to bring plans together, but once you’ve done all you can (realistically!), let the picture go. You can’t control the future, much less everyone else’s actions and reactions, and that picture postcard version of events you’re clinging on to can create unhappiness if it is not fulfilled. And disappointment can lead you to miss the silver lining of every situation you may find yourself in.

In truth, this is not always easy. Letting go of pictures we’d dreamed of becoming realities can be painful. Arguing in the middle of the John Lewis Christmas Shop isn’t quite the festive dream I had in mind. But releasing the perfect picture makes it, ultimately, easier to move on.

When we focus on the way things are supposed to be, we run the risk of missing the opportunities of enjoying things the way they are – or to have things surprise us for being wonderful in completely different ways from how we imagined.

‘We are not living in eternity. We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand — and melting like a snowflake’ – Marie Beyon Ray

This is not detachment. Detachment is hard on us; a front for the fear of not getting what we hoped for. Detaching ourselves, making out that we don’t care what happens, is a defence against disappointment, and it can leave us cold and tight.

Non-attachment however, is our full, active engagement with what is happening right now, without being attached to an outcome – a perfect picture. It is open enough to hold longing and desire and it is the belief that anything is possible; that you have done all you can and whatever happens – you’ll handle it! Non-attachment is acting from a place connected to your heart’s desires, it’s going full-out, whole-heartedly; it is open and spacious enough to let creativity and fulfilment pour in.

‘…The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked, it has no choice, it will roll in ecstasy at your feet’ – Franz Kafka

Wishing you very happy and peaceful festive season, my friends. Soften to the possibility of right now; trust that things are unfolding just as they should.

 

‘Throw away the picture’ – a concept by the great Susan Jeffers, whose work started me on a path which changed my life. With thanks and gratitude.